Reflections on the First Month

It has been a month already! Well, I've been pleasantly surprised by a few things.

• Matthew has a longer attention span than I expected, and is willing to spend at least 1 hour with Joyce and I in the learning room before asking to play somewhere else.
• Joyce enjoys narration! I had thought she'd be very reluctant to try since she's a perfectionist and hates to make mistakes. But after we made sure she understand that she doesn't have to re-tell the story word for word, she found it fun and often wants to do more than one story at a time.
• I actually find myself enjoying this... I hope I haven't jinxed it by admitting it :) I enjoy watching them learn; I enjoy being with them during their "Ah-ha!" or "Look! I did it!" moments; I enjoy talking and playing with them; I really enjoy sharing great picture books with them; the list goes on. If you had asked me even half a year ago whether I would enjoy homeschooling, I'd have said "No, but I'm doing it because I feel very strongly that God had called me to do this."

I thank God for the graces He has bestowed on our family during this journey. I remember that one of the biggest doubts I had about homeschooling was my lack of patience. Then, I read
passages from this wonderful book that helped me cast away this doubt:

"The particular circumstances in your life that are trying your patience might be precisely the means through which our Lord will teach you to be patient and to rely on Him more instead of on your own power." ... "So, does it take patience to home school? Well, yes, but you don't wait until you have it to begin homeschooling; you learn it along the way." ... "I can do all things in Him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13 (all from p.101 of the book)

I'm still not as patient as I'd like to be, but objectively speaking, I must admit that it has improved (at least DH agrees :)

There's one aspect which has taken me off guard completely, and it's the fact that I am now the most influential role model for my children. I must have read this a dozen times in different books, yet they were just words on a page to me until I notice how quickly my children pick up my words and actions. When they are impatient and loud, that's because I've been impatient and loud. When they are courteous and polite, that's because I've been courteous and polite. At first I felt really bad about this because I know I have a lot more bad days than good days. But then, I somehow convinced myself that this can be a good thing if I get my act together. So, I actually had a heart-to-heart with Joyce that went something like this:

"Joyce, Mommy knows that you are doing your best to be a good girl, to love God and others."

Joyce nods in agreement.

"Mommy is trying to do the same thing. I have noticed that at this point, the most important thing for us to work on is your obedience, and my impatience. So, Mommy is going to try extra hard to be more patient and polite and not yell at you two. At the same time, will you try extra hard to be more obedient?"

"Yes, I will," she said simply.

I wasn't sure if she would take this seriously at all, but I needed to say it out loud and make a committment to myself to be a better role model. But somehow, it must have touched her heart as well because very shortly after this talk, she became a lot more obedient and willing to help. And she would even be my little guardian angel and remind me, "Mommy, I think you are getting loud. Remember that you are trying to be more polite?" And she says it with such
authority too :) "Yes, Joyce. Thank you for reminding me."

I truly believe that God wants to cleanse me and mold me through this vocation. And I'm so glad that my children are together with me on this journey.